


Behind Closed Doors

by Trilled



Series: Forged in the Fire of our Fears [10]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Episode: s04e13 Crossfire, F/F, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:55:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28204965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trilled/pseuds/Trilled
Summary: What happened in Kira’s quarters when First Minister Shakaar visited during the episode Crossfire.
Relationships: Jadzia Dax/Kira Nerys
Series: Forged in the Fire of our Fears [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790863
Kudos: 15





	Behind Closed Doors

==/\==

“I’m sorry dinner on the Promenade didn’t work out.” Kira apologised again as they sat down to dinner in her quarters. “I’m sure replicated dinner was not what you expected.”

“I’m beginning to realise that these positions of power definitely have their draw backs.” Shakaar looked at the spread Kira had laid out before them as she down at the opposite end of the table from him.

“I mean if you want we could give the position back to Winn, and you can go back to your farm.” Kira smiled, a wicked gleam in her eye.

“Either way I wouldn’t have the soil reclaimators.” He piled up his plate with the salad she’d served. “But at least Furel and Lupaza got to clean up over fifty percent of their land. It will go a long way for them to grow crops to help contribute back and feed Dahkur province, not just themselves.”

“How are those two going? I take it they pulled up okay after our little adventure in the hills again?” Kira piled up some stew onto her plate, trying not to show how hungry she was after the long day.

“Nostalgic for the old days, or maybe nostalgic for when our bodies could cope better with living and sleeping rough.”

Kira laughed, remembering how sore she’d been after. “I’ve definitely got soft living here. These Cardassian beds aren’t the best, but it was a welcome relief to come back here to sleep.”

“Well they asked me to send on their best to you. And Lieutenant Dax. Have I met them?”

“Yes. Jadzia Dax, she was at the airlock yesterday when you docked. They met her back when the Federation first arrived. Jadzia was meeting with several of our scientists and politicians to explain the wormhole. I decided to take an extra day planet side and she came along with me. Lupaza told me you were in the capital debriefing ministers about our activities during the Occupation when I visted.”

“That was a long and horrible month, I can assure you. Wanting me to justify why we blew buildings up, why we raided certain outposts. None of them wanted to believe that ‘because it was there’ was a valid reason.”

“It was always a valid reason when it came to hurting the Cardassians.” Kira smiled, then noticed how little Shakaar was eating. “You’re not hungry?” she asked. “This krukrurn stew isn’t too bad. It’s even better when it’s made without all those tough cuts of meat we had to make do with.”

He looked at her apologetically. “I’m sorry Nerys. I just can’t eat meat anymore.”

She froze, suddenly swallowing the half chewed mouthful she had. “Since when?”

“Since the Occupation. Since we’ve had enough food for me to have a choice with what I eat.”

She looked at him stunned, then quickly jumped up, clearing away all the dishes with meat in them. “You should have said something. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable with everything I replicated. And we were meant to be going to the Bolian restaurant. That would have been a disaster.”

He jumped up, stopping her from clearing the table. “You weren’t to know Nerys. It’s not like I said anything. Please, eat what you want. I’ll enjoy the salad and maybe order something else for myself.”

Slowly she sat back down with the dishes as he ordered a simple soup with bread.

“Do you mind if I ask why? You always ate with the rest of us?”

“Back then I never had the choice to be picky. It was either eat with the rest of you or starve. It’s just one of my demons from the Occupation.”

“We all have enough of them.” She quietly mused.

“How are yours? I know things got pretty rough for you at one point. We were all worried we might lose you.”

“I’m tougher than you think. Timani helped a lot, and then these Starfleet people here, they actually care about us. About Bajor. I even saw one of their counsellors for a while. It felt good to talk to someone who wasn’t just going to share back their own horror stories of the Occupation, or treat me like a hero.”

“You trust them, don’t you?”

“With my life. And I’d trust them with Bajor's life.”

“So, joining the Federation is the right thing to do? Because I have heard so many different opinions on the matter in the last few weeks. Yours is the one that matters.”

“What cemented it for me was during that first year. I was convinced we would descend down into civil war, turn on each other having no one left to fight.”

“I know, I spent a long time trying to convince our soldiers to stand down, or at least join the militia. I always gave you as my example. We were all so proud of you Nerys, living up here amongst the stars and these aliens. I’d tell them they could still fight for a free and peaceful Bajor, just all together in an organised militia, not these fragmented resistance cells we had to have under the Cardassians.”

Kira looked at him, amazed. “Really? They all look up at me like that?”

“Well I’m sure it couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“Trust me, it wasn’t some days. I butted heads with Sisko so many times. But they’ve stood by us. Did news of The Circle reach Dahkur?”

“Whispers, mostly after it was all over. I remember reading something about the Cardassians supplying us with the weapons.”

Kira nodded. “Jadzia and I risked our lives to get the proof to the ministers. She fought by my side. Sisko and Bashir came and rescued me from the caverns in the Perikian Peninsula when The Circle kidnapped me. They’ve fought for Bajor, even against orders from Starfleet. Imagine what they’ll do for us as a member planet?”

“You’re a good judge of character Nerys. I trust you.”

She smiled at him, feeling the same comradery that had built many years fighting for their lives. “I know you do.” She started packing up the meal. “I think I’m done with this. I just can’t enjoy it if you’re not. How about drinks?”

“Does that food machine of yours make you alcoholic drinks too?”

Kira shook her head. “Poor substitutes. Synthahol they call it. Only part of the taste and none of the alcoholic qualities.” She dug around in her cupboard, pulling out an old Bajoran bottle. “But I do have this.”

Shakaar looked interested at the bottle. “Furel's brew?”

“Oh course. But is the First Minister of Bajor allowed to partake in illegally brewed alcohol?”

“If not, I will change the laws so I can.” He smiled, packing away his dishes too, and join her on the couch. “In fact I keep getting asked about changing laws. Even Captain Sisko had suggestions for me.”

“Well we haven’t had control over our laws in over 60 years. A lot of them are out of date and need to change for a post-Occupation Bajor. First Minister Kalem Apren spent so much time trying to lead change but there are many ministers who have their own different opinions.” She handed him a drink, relaxing back in the chair.

“This is nice. It’s good to finally sit down and relax. It’s been very busy since I won the election. I almost regret putting my name forward.”

“I’m sorry it hasn’t been easy for you. The thought of Winn in control not only of our spiritual life but also our government, it makes me sick to my stomach.”

“I’ve looked into her history more since coming into power. She credits herself with bringing peace between Bajor and Cardassia.”

“Of course she does. History is written by the survivors. Vedek Bareil was nothing but a footnote to her, a stepping stone that she squashed.” Kira could feel her rage rising at what had happened.

“I always thought there was more to that story. She really is a piece of work.”

Kira agreed. “She is, and Antos paid for it with his life."

“That would be a hard death to grieve.”

“It’s hard when you actually have that connection with someone. I understand why relationships were kept superficial and purely physical in the Resistance. I don’t think we could have taken the time to properly grieve and pray for all our dead otherwise. It took me three months to feel ready to pack away the duranja lamp."

“But you feel like you’ve processed that?”

Kira nodded as she felt apprehension to what she felt coming as he inched closer on the couch. 

He lent closer, kissing her on the lips. She tried to enjoy it, but his large hands felt overwhelming, his tongue forceful against her lips and his shaven face rough on her skin.

She put her hand on his chest, slowly pushing him back. “I’m sorry Edon, I can’t."

“I thought we had something?” he seemed surprised by her refusal. “I know it’s rather forward of me to make a move like that, but you’ve always been non-traditional Nerys. Men can know their own heart and not wait for women to invite them.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it? Is there someone else?”

Kira paused, unsure how to answer why she turned him down.

“There is someone. Who is he?”

Kira sighed. “At least Furel and Lupaza kept their word.”

“What is that suppose to mean?”

“Edon, those laws Sisko asked you about changing? Did he mention our moral laws?”

He looked at her, confused. “Yes, how did you know? I know no one follows them anymore. They’re irrelevant. What’s that got to do with us?”

“But they are still enforced by some places. Do you agree with them or not?” She insisted.

“I don’t know all of them off the top of my head, but then I’ve never had strong faith. I’m not like you Nerys.”

“What would you do if you found someone to be breaking one, even if you didn’t agree with the law?”

“What are you saying Nerys? That you’re breaking Bajoran moral law?” He looked at her with surprise and confusion. “It’s not like you’ve got family members to be sleeping with, and no one follows their D’jarras after we all spent years being slaves or soldiers. Is it an off-worlder? What else is there you could have done?”

“I like women Edon!” she blurted out, exasperated with all his questions.

He stared at her for a moment taking it in. “No you don’t. You slept with half the men in our cell. There was a new man in your bedroll ever other night.”

“Well, I lied to myself for twenty-six years.”

“And a Vedek.”

“An alibi. Why are you finding this hard to accept? This,” she gestured between the two of them. “isn’t happening.” She moved back from him. 

He stood up from the couch, pacing around the room. “Sarish Rez was right. This wouldn’t work.”

“What?” Kira looked at him with surprise. “Your adjutant knew about me?”

“No, not that. Rez said that people are finding me unrelatable because I’m unattached, no wife or family. He was going to set me up with a few women in the capital.”

Kira stared at him in shock. “Oh! You thought,” she stood up and jabbed him in the chest, “that getting into my pants would improve your appeal with voters.”

“No, it wasn’t like that.” He started pacing around the room. “I thought we had a connection, that I could genuinely win you over and have an honest relationship. I didn’t expect you to rebuff me because you’re a rakja.”

“You don’t get to call me that.” She sat down on the couch again, sitting at the far end of the couch, her legs curled up beneath her to put more space from Shakaar.

“Then what do I call you?”

She looked at him, pacing with his drink in hand, like she remembered many mission briefings when they all knew the risk and casualties would be high. “You call me Nerys. Or if it’s out there,” she gestured to the door. “it’s Major. Because First Minister or not, I can still beat you in a fist fight, and I will knock you on your arse.”

“Of course, you’ll always be Kira Nerys.”

“I don’t like the names or labels on who I am. I like women, I’ve slept with men in the past, I don’t need either of those facts to define me or my relationship.”

Shakaar looked at her with interest. “So you are in a relationship. Odo didn’t seem to think you were.”

Kira laughed. “Good to know I’ve got better at lying to Odo. He saw through me over the Vaatrick case. But why were you talking to Odo about me?”

“I was trying to gauge how receptive you’d be to a relationship. You’ve said that Odo is a good friend and you trust him. I figured of anyone, he’d know about your love life.”

“Oh Odo doesn’t like to meddle in these humanoid romantic feelings.” She looked at her drink, realising that it was now empty. “Dammit. I could really use it tonight.” She muttered.

Shakaar got the bottle and went to top it up for her. She put her hand over her empty cup. “No, I can’t. I’ve promised Jadzia I won’t have more than one glass in an evening.”

“Why?”

“Because my drinking was getting out of control. I was using it when the past got too overwhelming for me and she made me promise to not drink to excess like we all use to.”

“Well it sounds like she has your best interests at heart.”

“She does. She’s been fantastic for me." Kira watched as he started to work things out.

“She’s your girlfriend? Wow, you’ve got good taste in women. She’s hot.” Shakaar looked impressed.

Kira laughed at him. “Funny, she said the same about you when we met in the airlock today. Maybe you should have been chasing her instead. She’s better at this open relationship thing than I am. I just can’t do it properly, it ends up being all for show.” Kira thought about this for a moment. “Just a crazy idea, you want a relationship for political appeal. For me a public relationship could help keep any rumours at bay about my sexuality.”

“So you want to do this?”

“In public at least. There’s no way I would be moving back to Bajor just for a relationship. But a visit every few weeks, we appear to stay the night together, eat dinner in public, and continue to do our own thing.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“It benefits us both. But get this clear, nothing physical. It’s not that kind of relationship.”

“So I just hold your hand, kiss your cheek, and get on with our lives.”

Kira nodded. “And if you meet someone, let me know and we can publically break it off citing the distance and work caused problems.”

“I can do that.” He thought about it, working out the logistics of what they had just planned. “And I’ll look into abolishing those moral laws for you.”

“That would mean a lot. There are so many rakjas in hiding on the station, and I turn a blind eye to these laws. I mean, I’d be hypocrite if I didn’t. I’ve had Vedeks try to enforce them a few times but I never let anything come of it because the consequences for those involved are just too horrendous.”

“What happens to them? The monks pray over them or something?”

“Conversion therapy Edon. They force people to believe they are something they’re not. Do look into it. This is happening to our people in the name of the Prophets. It’s likely what happened to Labern and Hekra when they were sent away.”

Shakaar stopped, remembering back. “That incident was a long time ago. I know there were a few who had issue with them, but we were desperate for people, we needed ever able person for our cause no matter who they were or what they’d done. They both chose to leave, they went to another resistance cell operating out of Lonar Province. It was no concern of mine what they did together, so I let them slip away.”

“I never knew that. I guess I was still a kid then. But that incident did scare me, made me fearful of being honest with myself. I didn’t want you to send me away.”

Shakaar reached out, putting a comforting hand on her arm. “I’m sorry about that Nerys. I never realised what it meant to you.”

Kira snorted. “It just meant it took me a bit of extra time to accept this part of myself. It’s not like any of us had time for a relationship back then anyway. I didn’t want the distraction or heartache.”

“Well can I just apologise for anything I may have said that made you feel uncomfortable.”

“Thanks.” She smiled at him, glad to finally have everything out in the open. “It means a lot to me.”

“You really thought I’d send you away though? You were one of my best soldiers. I told the Militia that when you signed up. It’s probably why they made you a Major in the first place.” Shakaar froze suddenly, cocking his head to the side and straining to listen. “I hear voices.”

“They’ll think you’re crazy Edon.” Kira smirked.

“No, talking. By the door.” He looked concerned, getting up and tip-toeing over to the door to listen.

“Oh, that’s just Odo’s security team.” She relaxed back down. “After the attempt on your life today he told me he’d have a security detail on you twenty-six hours a day. Those officers who followed us before will be waiting outside my door until you leave to go back to your quarters.”

“And if I don’t go back to my quarters tonight?”

“Well then they’ll be guarding my door all night. But you know that’s how rumours start.”

"You want rumours to start?” 

Kira thought a minute. “Well yes, but I do know they’re already circulating. I was just going to get Jadzia to start one. She’s good for gossip. But if you do stay here, you’ll be sleeping on the couch.”

“We’ve bunkered down together before.”

“This is different. I’m not shivering cold and I have plenty of blankets to share. You can have your own bed if you stay.”

“This place is secure?”

Kira shot him a look. “Do you honestly think I don’t check my quarters regularly? I’ve pulled almost every panel off the bulkheads just to make sure none of us left any booby traps behind. This place is secure, and Odo's team is watching. We’re safe.”

“If you trust him, then I trust him. I’ll stay here the night.”

“Sure.” She got up. “I’ll get you some blankets.”

“And when you come back, I expect to hear all about this woman who stole your heart.” He told her.

Kira nodded, smiling at how comfortable her old friend had made her feel about something that she had feared to share.

=/\=


End file.
